a break.

Nearly four months ago, on mother’s day, I was gifted a coupon for a “day off” by my kind husband.  Now, let’s be real.  I had been explicitly clear that this was all I wanted for my mother’s day gift. This and some dried fruit… and candy.  (I am such an easily pleased nutcase.)  But he came through.  The day didn’t, though… till now.  Y’all, life has been straight up craziness recently.  Matt’s been working his tail off, and I have admittedly spent too much energy trying to do it all at home in his absence.  It has worn me out.  It has worn us out.

But today is my day to rest and recharge.  I really think it has only been in the past few years that I have really figured myself out.  Namely, I have realized that I certainly lean more on the introverted side (and my husband is an extreme extrovert.  God surely has a sense of humor.)  As such, I find myself desperately needing a few hours alone every so often. by myself. without being needed.  Just expressing this need inherently makes me feel selfish.  Like I’ve missed the mark and have failed to achieve the status of perfect mother and wife.  (Matt, you can stop laughing now.)  I don’t know… maybe it is.  But selfish or not, I think we would all agree that these rare but oh-so-cherished days are vital to my mental sanity.

And so I sit at Panera amidst the familiar (from my previous life, mind you) lunchtime hum.  (Can you believe that the gift card that paid for today’s soup and unlimited refills of diet Pepsi has lasted me two years?  Two years!  My previous self would be dismayed.  Shoot, my current self is dismayed.  I need to get out more.)  I have already visited Starbucks this morning and have grand plans to hit up Barnes and Noble after I wrap up this post.  Again, I think the predictable coffee shop hopping that occurs when I’m left to my own devices is a direct result of my craving for stillness and quiet.  For a chance to sit and think and regroup without the incessant “mommy!mommy!mommyyyy!”.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I adore my kids and husband.  I love my “needy” patients.  I’m sure I’ll look back in a nostalgic way at the “mommmmmy!” moments one day.  But for now, this girl needs a break.  So that’s what I’m taking today.  A sweet, selfish, and entirely necessary break.  Happy labor(less) day, y’all!