a hot mess

Can I be real with you guys for a few seconds? K, thanks.

So, here’s the deal. I just felt like I needed to take this moment to clear the air. It’s just something that’s been weighing on my heart quite a bit recently. Something that most of you don’t give a rip about, but since it’s my blog, I thought I would share regardless. Ready, go.

I am a hot mess. No, really. For some reason, people have always seemed to think that I’ve got it all together. Back in high school, teachers referred to my group of friends as “the shiny hair girls”. We were the good girls who made good grades and who did community service and shined in sports and… uh… had shiny hair? That kind of set the stage for this hugely mistaken identity as someone who was perfectly put together inside and out. Ha.

So, let’s set the record straight. I have had and I still have issues, people. Real issues. Painful issues. Issues that I may or may not delve into using this portal of mass communication some day. If this surprises you, then (a) you probably need to sit and do some thinking about your own issues and (2) I’m so sorry I just burst your bubble.

Yes, I am quick to post copious numbers of cute pictures of my beautiful children on a regular basis, and I may choose to routinely depict some of the more delightful moments of my days. But if I was really honest with you guys, I might tell you that these past two years have been so very tough for our family. There have been days I have felt almost crippled by the many stressors surrounding me. Nights I have wept coming home from work, completely torn apart by the harsh realities of my job. Moments in which the feelings of loneliness and isolation threatened to take me down.

We have been in quite a place over the past year or so, and you know what? As I see the clouds lifting a little and the light beginning to creep in, I can finally say that I wouldn’t change it for the world. As we have faced tough decisions, deadlines, and realities, I have never once doubted God’s presence in our lives, muck and all. Once again, this is not because I am some super saint or anything; rather, God has made His presence abundantly and unmistakeably clear throughout it all. My time with Him has been sweet, and our growth as individuals and a couple has been huge.

Sometimes we have to grapple in the darkness to realize all we have in the light. And sweet mercy, I have been given so much. Hot messes and all.