I have blogged before on my perfectionist tendencies. Even more recently, I mentioned here that I was going to get working on creating an “un-do list” for the health of my family and for my personal sanity . (Note: I have successfully added only one item to my un-do list. Library storytime. We still go from time to time, but I have convinced myself that my kids might actually grow up to be literate, social individuals even if they have to miss this oh-so-stimulating activity from time to time.)
Last night, I shared these struggles with my small group. How I refuse to settle for performing at less than 100% in the various roles in which I function. And how, in this particular season of life with Matt so busy with seminary and church, I’m finding myself floundering more than ever.
Since last evening, I have been unbelievably encouraged by the girls in my small group. While some sympathized with how difficult is can be to be a “seminary wife” in those grueling last few weeks, others shared pinterest wisdom. (Don’t you love this graphic? I think I’m going to tattoo it to my face. Or something like that.)
One of the pieces of wisdom that hit me the hardest was a reminder that it’s okay to be a B+ student. Say what?! I wanted to reply, “Nope, sorry. I don’t do B’s. I’ve been killing myself my whole life to be an honor student, and I’m not about to stop now.” But then I got a grip of myself and thought that perhaps she was right. Maybe it’s okay to quit holding myself to this unattainable standard of perfection in every single aspect of my life.
What if I can offer myself the same grace that I try so hard to give to others… the grace that God has lavished on me?
I’m still not quite sure what I will allow to be degraded to B+ status. But in light of last night’s conversation, I did allow Carson to watch an extra half hour of TV today while I allowed myself a few crucial moments of “me time” in those still dark hours of the early morning. It’s the little victories, y’all…