I could keep posting cute pictures of the kids. And I will. Because, well, they are cute. But if you want to know the truth, I feel as though I’m being entirely too superficial in doing so. With our adoption hanging on by a thread (is it even doing that anymore?), we are struggling hardcore with this reality while desperately clinging to The Truth. At this stage in the game, I’m just hoping for some definitive, official word- good or bad- from Rwanda because this lump-in-the-throat/pit-in-the-stomach/puffy-eyes-from-crying state of being is not a good look on me.
Let me be clear with y’all… I am not looking for sympathy in writing this. I am simply being transparent and asking for a big favor…
Perhaps this sounds bad. Very un-Christiany of me. But here it goes…
I’m having trouble still believing in this miracle for which we’ve been praying. Am losing hope. Even having trouble praying over the past few days. Remember that father in the Bible who, in begging Jesus to heal his son, exclaims, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:25). I so get him right now. And, so, as I pray this, I also ask you to believe and pray on our behalf.
I know so many of you are already praying. Thank you. And don’t hate on me for any unanswered phone calls, texts, and emails you may have left me. My m.o. when I’m struggling has always been to disconnect and disengage. This is so bad. I know. But we’ll deal with that later. Give me some grace, people. 🙂
And so the
journey rollercoaster ride continues. It’s looking like we might very well be on the final leg of this ride, so if you’re looking for me, you can find me still hanging on for dear life.