this is the week

I have been uncharacteristically calm since receiving our travel dates last week.  Yes, I have been working in hyperdrive and getting things done like nobody’s business.  But even upon hearing about the hurricane and its effect on our visas and passports, tears really didn’t start flowing in freak-out mode.  Until yesterday.  I sat down at church and the moment Matt sat next to me and J.D. began to preach, the tears decided to start coming.  We’re talking waterworks.  Some people are church-criers.  I’m not.  Matt was completely bewildered.  The sermon was on stewardship, guys.  Who cries during a sermon on stewardship?!

I think I had been operating on adrenaline since Wednesday and, upon sitting down in church, I was all at once hit with the weight of what’s on the horizon.  Struck by not only the present hurricane situation but, even more, the greater act of our adoption of Elizabeth.  That all of our lives are about to be rocked.  That I’m about to leave Carson and Mary Grace for three weeks.  That God has seen us fit to parent this beautiful little girl with such a broken past.

The tears came and came and came all day yesterday.  I showed up at small group last night with red, swollen eyes and arrived to a surprise celebration of Elizabeth.  Our amazing small group loved on us and prayed over us, and I left with a renewed sense of peace.  There’s a small subset of people to whom I can say, “I don’t need to hear ‘It will all work out.’  I don’t need scripture.  I just need someone to agree that this whole hurricane thing sucks, and this wait is freakin’ hard.”  And this community can handle my realness.  Oh, they have loved us so well throughout this process, and I feel like a different person today.

God will not abandon the work of His hands now.  There’s no way.  Keep praying, guys!  This is a huge week for us and Elizabeth, and while the Lord’s mercies were indeed new and sweet this morning, I still acutely feel the weight of all that is going on around us and with our adoption.  Pray.  This is the week.