I told myself that it wouldn’t happen. Not me. Not this year. I would absolutely positively not let stress get the best of me throughout Christmas 2010. And to this I say… nice try, self.

My poor husband. Seriously, Matt is a saint when it comes to my periodic vent sessions. Last week, he wrote down everything that was stressing me out and began to cross things out, one by one, as to eliminate anything that was not 100% necessary.

But still- there are some things that are priorities. Non-negotiables. As I sit here and take an afternoon breather with a cup of strong coffee, a crockpot of soup and a breadmaker whirls away as they prepare dinner for my boss and her family who are mourning the loss of her father. Angel Tree gifts wait to be wrapped before tomorrow. Fudge to be distributed to coworkers. Lists after lists to be jotted down in preparation of spending Christmas in Midlothian.

Oh, and let us not forget the tubes to be inserted. Carson gets tubes on Friday morning, and I’m totally dreading it. Every single week, I refer what seems to be droves of patients to ENT to be evaluated for tubes, reassuring them that it is “such a simple, wonderful procedure.” Yet, when it comes to my child, I fight it. I have for two years now. And at Carson’s preop visit yesterday, I continued to fight it. “I just wanted to be sure that you knew that Carson appears to be completely asymptomatic with his ear infections. I mean, do you really think tubes are necessary?” I asked his physician. An odd question by a healthcare provider who knows full-well the benefits of tubes, especially by the one who actually handwrote her own child’s referral. Ugh, I’m such an overprotective mom. (By the way, the doc finally got me to sign the consent after discussing the hearing loss they found at Carson’s last visit. Which I still don’t buy into. I am living proof that providers are indeed the worst patients… or parents of patients… ever.)

And finally, there’s Wyatt. Yes, there has been wonderful news of approvals over the past week. However, I cannot shake the thought that our child, if he is born, is spending Christmas in an orphanage. Alone. No one to spoil him with presents, adorn him in soft new pajamas, or to say “I love you.” It is so, so hard for me to stomach this. I can only take refuge in the glorious fact that, though we have never seen his sweet face, he is already prized and deeply adored by God. I pray that we will have him home with us this time next year.

It has been a constant battle for me to keep Christ first this past month. And I am guessing it will remain a battle over the coming week. However, I rejoice that His mercies are new every morning, and I am so grateful that His strength carries me through even the hardest days.

6 Comments on tis the season

  1. hi sweetie – I've thought of you all and Wyatt so much in the past week. I am praying that the new year beings more approvals, and that by Easter you are bringing your baby boy home. What a joyous time of year that will be! Another note – we'll be up in Willow Spring next week for Christmas (well, after Christmas) – will you be there or back home? Let me know and I'll bring the clothes with me – the box keeps growing, and well – it's cheaper to just bring it along and meet you up there than it is to mail it! Let me know!

  2. and a 2nd comment because I completely forgot what I wanted to write about in the first! Jonathan got tubes at 14 months – I resisted at first – the thought of handing off my baby to complete strangers to do a "simple procedure" nearly drove me to distraction – BUT…in the end I knew it was best for him. The endless rounds of antibiotics (at least once every 3-5 weeks from 6 months of age to 14 months) was not good for him. So, tubes he got at 14 months, and one fell last summer, and the other last Christmas. He has had 1 ear infection since then – but not like it used to be!

  3. Tubes are nothing to worry about. It will be hardest when they take him from you to go into the OR (just be prepared for tears-yours and his). He may also be a bit irritable right when he comes out but it wont last long. My advice is that when he is in the OR you go find the coffee machine and by the time you are back they will be done. You will both sleep well that afternoon. See you next week.


  4. Catherine, I told Matt, but I am now telling you. Please, please call me if you guys need down time this weekend after tubing happens. I would be more than happy to entertain Mary Grace. Just call me and I will be there in a jiffy (well, in the hour it takes to get to you, but we can't help that)

  5. Anmama & Pop in Durham will be more than willing to help in anyway we can. Just please let us know. Keep us updated. Love to all.

  6. You will become such a proponent of the tubes immediately. I still remember the amazing difference we saw in Aaron within the first hour we were home. He heard a clock ticking for the first time that day—-it was incredible to watch. Hang in there!!

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