oh what a night

The Allison clan is finally back home after a wild, crazy, busy trip to Virginia this past week. But that’s for another post.

Right now, I would like to recount the events of last evening. Because I’ve already whined plenty to Matt, and in a few years I might find all of this amusing.

We knew Matt had to work the Saturday night service at our church this week, so we figured it would make the most sense for all of us to go last night, as our church is on the way home from Richmond. The only problem we foresaw was that we would have Chloe in the car with us… but no biggie, we got the go-ahead to keep her in Matt’s classroom while we were there.

So there we were- showing up at church with our gentle giant of a dog. Matt quickly had to get to work, so he left me in the 5th/6th grade classroom with our 2 children, dog, and our gourmet dinner from Sheetz. As Carson devoured his hotdog and fries, I realize that Mary Grace was also super fussy from hunger. The nursing mother’s room was already occupied, so I whipped out my Hooter Hider (oh how I love the name of that ingenious product) and started feeding my famished baby in the not so private classroom. As I was doing this- trying my hardest to keep myself from baring it all to the rest of the church- Carson started hiding behind it himself, thinking then was the ideal time to play peek-a-boo.

It wasn’t long before I noticed a warm sensation on my right leg. Looking down, I quickly realized that Mary Grace had pooped ALL over my jeans. And this was after she had already pooped on my cousin earlier in the day. Alone in the room with my poopy legs, poopy baby, wild son, and confused dog, I didn’t know what to do. Finally, Matt poked his head to check on us, and I immediately sent him out to get me a fresh pair of jeans and a clean outfit for Mary Grace. Well, it just so happens that the jeans he brought back for me had been the unlucky target for Carson’s pee earlier in the day. I could have cared less at this point.

After Matt dropped off the jeans, he quickly peaced out. At that point, I had to do some major prioritization. Chloe was barking, Carson was fussing for my attention, I was covered in poop, and Mary Grace clearly needed a wardrobe change as well. I totally put myself first. I rested Mary Grace on the air hockey table, pacified Carson with greasy Sheetz french fries, ignored Chloe, and changed into my pee jeans in the middle of the Route 56 classroom. Then, I proceeded to use said air hockey table as a changing table, and that was that. (I have done this- the baby changing thing, not the stripping down thing- in the middle of Sunday school before, and the 5th grade boys were horrified that I would desecrate their air hockey table in such a way. They would have really flipped last night.)

Matt ended up needing my help in Carson’s class, and that brought on a whole new set of issues. The poor kid was so pitifully exhausted from our week in Richmond that he was just a royal mess. The real kicker was when he flat out refused to use their potty and then peed in his underwear not once but twice. He was that kid last night- the cranky, snotty nosed toddler with a wet spot on his jeans. And I, myself, vowed never to volunteer in his nursery class again.

We finally made it home, and within minutes, Mary Grace puked all over me. I laughed at what a fitting end this was to my night… and then happily went to bed.