I could keep posting cute pictures of the kids. And I will. Because, well, they are cute. But if you want to know the truth, I feel as though I’m being entirely too superficial in doing so. With our adoption hanging on by a thread (is it even doing that anymore?), we are struggling hardcore with this reality while desperately clinging to The Truth. At this stage in the game, I’m just hoping for some definitive, official word- good or bad- from Rwanda because this lump-in-the-throat/pit-in-the-stomach/puffy-eyes-from-crying state of being is not a good look on me.
Let me be clear with y’all… I am not looking for sympathy in writing this. I am simply being transparent and asking for a big favor…
Perhaps this sounds bad. Very un-Christiany of me. But here it goes…
I’m having trouble still believing in this miracle for which we’ve been praying. Am losing hope. Even having trouble praying over the past few days. Remember that father in the Bible who, in begging Jesus to heal his son, exclaims, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief” (Mark 9:25). I so get him right now. And, so, as I pray this, I also ask you to believe and pray on our behalf.
I know so many of you are already praying. Thank you. And don’t hate on me for any unanswered phone calls, texts, and emails you may have left me. My m.o. when I’m struggling has always been to disconnect and disengage. This is so bad. I know. But we’ll deal with that later. Give me some grace, people. 🙂
And so the journey rollercoaster ride continues. It’s looking like we might very well be on the final leg of this ride, so if you’re looking for me, you can find me still hanging on for dear life.
4 Comments on the state of things
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Oh Catherine. I’ve been wondering what’s the latest with yall… and now I know how to be praying for your heart. Wish I could just give you a hug.
you have my official permission to curl up on the couch by yourself or with Matt. You have my official permission to be as grouchy as you want because you have never felt pain like this before and can’t figure out why you can physically feel your heart hurting. you also have my orders to stop worrying about me and mason and let us take your kids to go do something fun together while you sit at home and just BE whatever you are feeling and not feel guilty about it.
Praying, praying, praying, so hard for you guys Catherine!!
Thanks for your honesty. We all have times when we need for someone to pray and believe on our behalf, to intercede for us. I’m so glad you asked. We will be praying for you all so I hope you can find some rest in knowing that prayers are being lifted up for you guys.